A Prayer for a Peaceful Mind

There's a lot going on right now at work and I just had a really weird and intense dream last night where I actually woke up and yelled 'Leave Right Now'. I kind of scared Nick (cos he thought I was telling him to leave) but actually it was an anxious mind worrying about work and people in a meeting that were just talking and refused to listen to me. Now, my mind is on over-drive and I'm worrying about health (am I sick? :S) and the business and just everything. 

I found this prayer online and I'm going to pray it every day and when I feel particularly uncomfortable and anxious. 

Almighty God, We bless you for our lives, we give you praise for your abundant mercy and grace we receive. We thank you for your faithfulness even though we are not that faithful to you. Lord Jesus, we ask you to give us all around peace in our mind, body, soul and spirit. We want you to heal and remove everything that is causing stress, grief, and sorrow in our lives. Please guide our path through life and make our enemies be at peace with us. Let your peace reign in our family, at our place of work, businesses and everything we lay our hands on. Let your angels of peace go ahead of us when we go out and stay by our side when we return. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Week 29! Baby update!

Okay, I have to admit, I'm in a chipper mood today. Baby was moving A LOT over the weekend (so much so that I almost feel bruised from the inside) and she's grown loads! I went for the full scan today (with doppler) again and the U/S lady was really sweet. So far, baby is average in everything (head circumference, waist circumference, weight). The notch that I mentioned in the previous post (Week 27/28) has disappeared (which is good!) and my water bag has actually grown bigger (AFI is now 7.9, 2 weeks ago it was 6.4)! My AFI is still smaller than average but the most important thing is that it has gotten bigger and baby has more space to move about. Gotta keep up with the drinking water and eating loads! 

On mine and the baby's weight

It's one of those days where I feel really comfortable in my own skin and even though I'm up another 1kg (ish). I'm no longer thinking about the numbers and just focused on feeling good and being healthy and happy. I'm now 59.35kg (this time I remembered the decimal places! ha) and the little one is 1.293kg (she's doing really well - an average baby at Week 29 is approximately 1.1kg). According to my pregnancy app, she's the size of a butternut squash. I'm also glad I still haven't gotten swollen feet yet. 

On Pregnancy

We're starting to look at booking a delivery room now (hopefully baby doesn't come out early, but if she does, at least we're prepared). The only thing is that our house isn't quite ready yet (renovations are still ongoing!) so I just hope that she comes out after the renovations are over and that I have time to go shopping and buy her stuff. I'm pretty lucky, my mother in law has gotten a bunch of stuff and some of my cousins have bought clothes already for her. She's a very lucky and blessed baby indeed. We're also starting to look at confinement packages from the hospital. My mom's gonna help me out right after I've given birth but I don't want to stress my mom out either. 

I think it's just another couple more weeks till I actually get to see my little girl. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. Especially when the doctor starts talking about contractions and when to come into the hospital! But I know that my body is built for this and God will carry me all the way through! 

God bless! x 

Thank you Mom!

I know it's highly unlikely my mom will ever read this space of mine (if she does, that's kinda scary :S). If she does actually, I'll know who ratted me out (I'm looking at you sisters!). But 26 years ago today, my mom was in the hospital, in pain, probably sweating, not looking good and probably saying a lot of swear words (not sure if that's what really happened?!). After 6 grueling hours (that sounds like ages to me btw!), out I came curious as anything (according to my dad). She labored long and hard to get me out into this world, and now that I'm going to have to face the same in a few months time, I'm terrified but absolutely grateful that my mom made it so that I can experience all the beauty this world has to offer. I hope I can hang in there for my daughter too so that she can come out and experience everything in this world! 

Thanks mom! 

Teary Mode

I honestly don't know what has gotten into me.

I'm such an emotional wreck today.

This coca cola advert made me cry and this beautiful link made it even worse! :(

Week 27/28

Another visit to the doctor's on 3rd Nov (Week 27). I really feel like every time I go to the clinic, there's some form of bad news. I guess it's just because my OB/GYN is really particular and wants to stay on the safe side so she lets me know the worst first. (This really affects my anxiety attacks though! -___-"). So the verdict this time round is that my water bag is smaller (not good!) than the last scan and my OB/GYN is really concerned that the baby has less and less space to grow (as the baby grows bigger, there's less space to move and kick). They also found a notch in the right uterine artery during the scan - which may affect the flow of nutrients/blood to the baby. I read up online that it may also lead to high blood pressure further on in the pregnancy. :( Again, my doctor says there's nothing I can do? I am meant to gain 2 kg in 2 weeks in order for the baby to have more nutrients and more space to grow. I'm so so worried every time my baby does not kick (or perhaps she fidgets and I'm not sure if that was wind moving through my intestines or her??!). I worry so much that even Nick gets annoyed. I also feel extreme guilt when I'm super busy at work and forget to stop and feel for her. :( The one good news however, is that my placenta has moved up so I have a shot at natural birth. 

On mine and the baby's weight

So I'm up another 2 kg (from the previous weigh-in on the 20th Oct at 56.05kg), I'm now 58+ kg (I've lost track of the decimal places already. I'm just a little overwhelmed at my weight - I didn't think it's possible to gain so much in so little time and the most annoying thing is that my body is actually getting used to being heavy. Like it feels normal to be this weight. Perhaps most of the weight is going to the baby and my boobs and everywhere else looks the same. I really shouldn't be concerned about the numbers and more concerned on the health of the child but it's so hard to ignore it!!) And I've been given instructions to gain another 2 kg by the 17th Nov (if I am successful, I'll be 60kg then! o.0) 

More importantly though, baby weighed in at 994g (almost 1 kg!) and is apparently the size of an iceberg lettuce. o.0 She's an average weight for the number of weeks and I'm just happy she's growing! I hope she gets fatter and fatter before she comes out! 

On Pregnancy

It's getting a little harder each day. I feel like just when I get used to the feeling of being big one day and I'm happy and comfortable with being that size, the next, I grow another few inches (belly-wise) and I get backaches and get grumpy again. So far though, I actually feel good about myself (in general - there isn't one particular bad day). I'm thankful I haven't broken out (so my skin looks the same!) and the rest of me hasn't swollen up yet. But there is also that pressure when I look at other pregnant ladies and it seems like ALL of them are so much larger than me and I feel so jealous (and worried)! I know all ladies are different - some are bigger, some are smaller but it's just that inherent fear and pressure all the time. Argh. There isn't one 'right' size so that makes me worry again. 

But all in all, I'm just really really grateful that my baby is growing well and I'm just healthy. I hope I stay this way and baby continues to grow and we have a safe delivery! x